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03 January 2019 @ 01:59 pm
Back to Editing  
I'm going to stop here with Guardsman, and get back to _Chilidren of a Foreign God_.

I'll go through it and then put up a google doc for comments and copyediting.
(Anonymous) on January 3rd, 2019 11:16 pm (UTC)
Paer's Mom
With all the hoopla focused on the kids having dimensional abilities what about the descendants of Alexander the Traitor like Paer's mother who might also have dimensional abilities? Did she ever set up shop after that snippet?
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on January 4th, 2019 12:09 am (UTC)
Re: Paer's Mom
There is also your hint that Granite Peak's Flu/Ryah has dimensional abilities

Is she the student who invented a mirror/ camera to view through a gate and told Xen?
mbarkermbarker on January 4th, 2019 01:00 am (UTC)
Re: Paer's Mom
Please don't say invented. Noticed that a mirror or camera let her view through a gate, even discovered that... but invented means you made it, and I think it's just the normal process of bouncing light (or capturing it on a film) that lets the mirror or camera defeat the dancing magic swirls in the gates...
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on January 4th, 2019 02:11 am (UTC)
Re: Paer's Mom
Short for "invented the technique of using ..."
mbarkermbarker on January 4th, 2019 02:45 am (UTC)
Re: Paer's Mom
That works! Thanks...
matapampamuphoff on January 4th, 2019 03:16 am (UTC)
Re: Paer's Mom
The excerpt with Paer's Mom didn't go anywhere . . . yet. And yes, it was Flu who noticed that a mirror would let her look away from the overwhelming brightness of the gate, and see what was on the other side.

I'll try to remember to toss in a mention of "after all, I've trained other kids, and even the Oner girl your security people scared into never working for them. Poor Flu, er, Ryah. Not her fault she's an eighth Purp and an eighth Native. And why you insist on having vapor over her mother instead of . . . Oh, never mind! Oners!"

Edited at 2019-01-06 01:59 am (UTC)
(Anonymous) on January 4th, 2019 01:24 am (UTC)
I know Xen and the kids sorted the assassination attempt on Xen but I wasn't clear if there was any follow up on the nasty priest's thoughts about assassinating Prophet Emre. E.g. did he get truth matched and that becomes known?
matapampamuphoff on January 4th, 2019 02:06 am (UTC)
I've left that ambiguous, however, I also left him out of the strong priests going to check out Poobah and his guards in _Marooned_. So if I ever need an evil renegade Ex-priest, well, there he is.
(Anonymous) on January 4th, 2019 02:16 am (UTC)
There could be some interesting consequences if the "Collective Subconcious" ever internalizes that almost(?) every interaction with Xen has been to The Empire's benefit, with the degree of benefit generally being proportional to how positively the approach to Xen was...

Of course, I'm still waiting for the Government, outside of Orde's faction & guards, to make the same realization (I mean surely someone, somewhere, has to be capable of realizing how many problems Disco & Comet Fall would no longer have if they'd just let the Helaos miniverse hit The One World).
(Anonymous) on January 4th, 2019 04:47 am (UTC)
That would necessitate cross dimensional empathy. Which is a trait most Oners seem to lack. You are asking a consumate snob to put himself on the place of a, horror, gasp, Native!
(Anonymous) on January 5th, 2019 12:12 am (UTC)
Timing conflict
I don't remember a separate Rael and Ryol go find the bag that that sets up Guardsman. But Children of a Foreign God, Arno is planning to sneak into Nuked One to rescue the "other" Nick. People that follow here will know what is happening. But may confuse normal people.
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on January 5th, 2019 12:56 am (UTC)
Re: Timing conflict
"Rael and Ryol go find the bag" will be in Lucky Dave (snippeted as Girl Trip) Pam told us on 28 of December this will be published after Children of a Foreign God

Publishing order and internal date (Oner's Year of the Prophets):

_Children of a Foreign God_ 1412yp winter through summer
_Lucky Dave_ 1413yp summer
_Prophetable Enterprise_ 1413yp summer
_Guardsman_ 1413=>1415yp
_Marooned_ 1416yp (winter [Northern Hemisphere] through summer)

Edited at 2019-01-05 02:04 am (UTC)
matapampamuphoff on January 5th, 2019 04:41 am (UTC)
Re: Timing conflict
Prophetable Enterprise takes place within days of Lucky Dave, with Arno suborning Ra'd to snag the other One World's Prophet Nicholas, Dave and Davos.

I have not yet figured out how Arno is going to show a profit, but I think I must put that in there.
(Anonymous) on January 5th, 2019 04:42 pm (UTC)
Re: Timing conflict
Arno suborning Ra'd, or Ra'd suborning Arno?
matapampamuphoff on January 5th, 2019 07:21 pm (UTC)
Re: Timing conflict
Arno started it, not that Ra'd needed much persuasion, and jumped in to do all he could within the scope of his direct orders to Not Go To That World!
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on January 6th, 2019 01:03 am (UTC)
Re: Timing conflict
"Arno is going to show a profit"?

Maybe he makes a bag of the Prophets and collects a posted reward from the One of Nuked One, they being unable to specify the required contents. Lucky Dave wins again.

Are the new gate-makers going to undercut DISCO's prices?
matapampamuphoff on January 6th, 2019 02:01 am (UTC)
Re: Timing conflict
Oooo! I like *that* idea!
(Anonymous) on January 6th, 2019 01:56 am (UTC)
RE: Re: Timing conflict
He smuggles the prophet out through a gate that Nuked One pays him to make?
Oh, I want to see the Lucky Daves talking. One of them rescued by the insane redhead and her insane daughter, the other by her weird son. Obviously agreeing that is a very strange family and that the Universe should be scared. LD1 shows LD 2 a video of a certain Horseboy....
mbarkermbarker on January 5th, 2019 01:12 am (UTC)
RE: Timing conflict
Normal people? Normal people? Who invited them!
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on January 5th, 2019 01:10 am (UTC)
This seems a good point to remind all Pam's slaves that they don't have to do all the typo hunting on a PC or laptop.

Google Docs can download Pam's draft as an ebook document (or indeed as a Word document).

So reading it on an iPad or Android tablet is fairly easy. To read on a Kindle e-reader or Amazon tablet there is an easy trick - just rename the epub to extension type txt and email as an attachment to the magic xxxxx@free.kindle.com address and it will appear as a converted user document, complete with chapter table of contents.

(Anonymous) on January 5th, 2019 03:05 am (UTC)
I, however, read everything except the documents on my 'droid, because editing on the 'droid is a pain. (I had to backspace three times in the previous sentance.) But I freely accept being a luddite on post-Windows 98 tech.

Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on January 6th, 2019 01:05 am (UTC)
I usually just highlight and make a few notes on the ebook version then transfer to Google docs.
(Anonymous) on January 5th, 2019 07:43 pm (UTC)
Pam's Slaves. I like that.

So is it Tyrant Pam, Captain Pam, or Queen Pam? Or given that she is Queen of many worlds, Empress Pam?
matapampamuphoff on January 5th, 2019 09:28 pm (UTC)


At least fictionally.

Pity my poor characters, they must do as I write, whether they like it or not. [Looks over shoulder, as if nervous] I mean, what can a totally fictional non-existent concept . . . damn this cold draft down my back, need to recaulk the windows . . . do to avoid the author's deranged plans? It's not like they co
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on January 6th, 2019 01:07 am (UTC)
More than one author has done a short based on their characters visiting to complain.
matapampamuphoff on January 6th, 2019 02:05 am (UTC)
Yeah, and few of us have admitted to very odd occurrences in Real Life.
Mike WeatherfordMike Weatherford on January 5th, 2019 07:47 pm (UTC)
Editing and other fun things.
You've spoiled us, Pam. You've had new content up every day since you became involved in NaNoWriMo. We know editing has to happen, so does weaving all the little bits and pieces into a whole. I'll try not to bother you or take up any of your time. Just. . . hurry? Before I go into catatonic withdrawal? 8^)