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03 December 2018 @ 03:33 pm

Approaches completion.

I need to have pointed out to me gaps and holes and inconsistencies and especially scenes that need more.

The main things you guys haven't seen are Ebsa & Co aiding Disco with the rescue of the people scattered about.

So, do I need to write out the details of the whole Water World rescue? Do I need to show the Dino World rescue?

Anything else?

Remember that this is before _Children of a Foreign God_.


(Anonymous) on December 4th, 2018 01:46 am (UTC)
All i keep getting is the first page por two and then all the pages are there but blank?
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on December 4th, 2018 04:33 am (UTC)
Re: help
what browser are you using?

Has it ever worked with Google Docs?
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on December 4th, 2018 04:31 am (UTC)
The scenes you have of Ebsa doing search and rescue seem to cover the ground. Add extra only if there are two or more items you have left out?
(Anonymous) on December 4th, 2018 08:28 pm (UTC)
Time Slip
You have a time slip between One and One Prime. As they have both had gates to the colonies (not just Granite Peak) should their time rates not still be locked together?
(Anonymous) on December 4th, 2018 11:22 pm (UTC)
Re: Time Slip
I believe elsewhere in the Wine of the God canon a change in "temporal velocity" is a common result of a dimensional split.

matapampamuphoff on December 4th, 2018 11:45 pm (UTC)
Re: Time Slip
They were not connected to any of their colonies during the split. This was way prior to Xen and Disco and permanent gates. In fact . . . 1354 yp would have been the year before Rustle and Tromp and the rest of that cohort were born.

Nuked One was slightly slower than than the non-nuked One, which would have gradually re-averaged with all the colonies. And they built a second gate mechanism to avoid a repeat of the several days down-time to check and repair the gate they'd come so close to losing.
(Anonymous) on December 4th, 2018 09:59 pm (UTC)
If the concussion threw Lou back a couple of steps at 8 kilometers, it would have pulped Ebsa and Nick standing a few feet from ground zero.
matapampamuphoff on December 4th, 2018 11:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Concussion
Good point. They heard the boom.
(Anonymous) on December 5th, 2018 01:49 am (UTC)
Telepathy Range
In "Empire of the One" Xen was surprised that a Princess could not contact another guard at a range of about a kilometer. Here you have Ahco contacting (barely) a Princess at about 2 kilometers apart.
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on December 5th, 2018 11:26 pm (UTC)
Re: Telepathy Range
"How far can Xiat telepath you, or anyone?"
"Possibly a kilometer."
The glance he shot her was shocked. "A kilometer!"
"You've been watching too many B-grade movies. Even a priest has trouble with more than a few kays."

So not really a problem
(Anonymous) on December 5th, 2018 04:39 am (UTC)
Is Nuked Qamar "Gamer" or "Gammer"?

Both appear somewhat frequently.
matapampamuphoff on December 5th, 2018 05:01 am (UTC)
Time for another find and replace . . .
(Anonymous) on December 8th, 2018 08:31 pm (UTC)
Picky Picky
I suspect that "Ajha shrugged. “She asked if we could send people to go check the ground, or failing that, perhaps sell us some equipment." should be "Ajha shrugged. “She asked if we could send people to go check the ground, or failing that, perhaps sell them some equipment."
matapampamuphoff on December 8th, 2018 11:22 pm (UTC)
Re: Picky Picky
Yep. Thanks.