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14 October 2018 @ 02:47 pm
_One Love_ editing  
I'm aiming at publishing mid-November.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZppO14FnehFvntb9W74q2LEIdwcm6ai0lHpwD4aYEM0/edit?usp=sharing
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on October 15th, 2018 10:21 am (UTC)
Remarkeably clean, the only thing I actually noticed already has the fix suggested. :D

But I'm feeling a tad oblivious here, as it wasn't until this reading that it occurred to me to wonder, are the "One With Each Other" team really that arrogant? or are they actively trying to *sabotage* the wedding?
matapampamuphoff on October 15th, 2018 12:20 pm (UTC)
And who's paying them? We'll never know. Perhaps they're just used to Game Wives. "Here's the budget. Here's the date. Do it again."
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on October 15th, 2018 11:38 pm (UTC)
Timeline 1

Chapter 1 title "in an Election Year"

Chapter3 "Next Year's the election"

Chapter 4 "It was election year"
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on October 15th, 2018 11:47 pm (UTC)

Timeline 2

Chapter three Ox is chief of Police.

Chapter Five and Ox is Former Chief of Police.
matapampamuphoff on October 16th, 2018 12:32 am (UTC)
Thank you, guys!
(Anonymous) on October 16th, 2018 05:08 am (UTC)
Dear Abbie
You have Dear Abbie as one of the people running the wedding. Are you sure that one of the other organizers should not be named Anne?
(Anonymous) on October 20th, 2018 07:40 pm (UTC)
Use of magic in duels
“Unfortunately, the dueling laws are so rigid I couldn’t even do bare handed or straight magic.”
“Ebsa’s very good with magic. He can slice ten meters.”

Is there a contradiction here? If not, why could Ebsa not just hit him with sleep or stun to end the duel?
matapampamuphoff on October 21st, 2018 12:37 am (UTC)
Re: Use of magic in duels
Fencing duels start in close proximity. And trained fencers are wickedly fast even if they don't have Speed,which Evdu probably does. And shields and shield piercing spells specifically honed for fencing.

If Ebsa takes the time to be nice, he's likely to wind up dead. This is something he's never done before, he can't fence on reflexes while throwing spells to see what will get through.

His second option is going to be to throw his hardest slice immediately. His first being--don't get trapped into a duel.

I pondered having them fight, but it was much more fun to have Paer slap him around.