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24 August 2018 @ 03:07 pm
_The Boy_  
Got the cover. Guess it's time to polish up the story.

 
 
 
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on August 24th, 2018 10:30 pm (UTC)
Yed. minor changes needed to match _Cooking Hot_

Required leave rather than depressurize?
matapampamuphoff on August 24th, 2018 11:15 pm (UTC)
I see I still have posted somewhere.

Here's my current draft. Apart from figuring out where to put some chapter breaks, it's done.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JbpNp3B_Io2nUBN-iTldK7N_tQYHZ7lSAWCR5Jks32Y/edit?usp=sharing
(Anonymous) on August 25th, 2018 12:35 am (UTC)
It was only after I re-read the post that the image annoyed me. I think you need to try for a face that is more hispanic, or maybe a bit arabic. The emotion on the boy is good, but his face doesn't reflect his likely ancestry. And maybe add in a squint?

Darqref
matapampamuphoff on August 25th, 2018 01:04 am (UTC)
The early Spanish settlers in SA were a lot more brutal than we heard about in school. Mexico got off lightly.
(Anonymous) on August 25th, 2018 07:24 pm (UTC)
Argentina and Uruguay are both heavily European descent as in on the order of 80% to 90% of the population: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguayans
matapampamuphoff on August 26th, 2018 12:08 am (UTC)
Yeah, I was a surprised, when I first researched it for _Dancer_.
cnmckenney on August 27th, 2018 12:27 am (UTC)
He does need the eyeglasses. That would absolutely fit with the face.
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on August 29th, 2018 02:13 am (UTC)
Thank you.

I think you should revise the "new job for OX" and clarify. Also perhaps add a reference to Xiat and that having held elected office may be a qualification in Paris.

Also Ox's account of Crime in Low Town doesn't parse for me. I think I known what you mean but only think.

Any votes on the revised ending?
(Anonymous) on August 25th, 2018 09:25 am (UTC)
Continuity check?
I don't know if this is actually an issue, but Paer mentioning the healing of the eyes of the patients who blew themselves up in Project Dystopia felt somewhat out of order considering it was also mentioned in Cooking Hot, though I'm not sure of the timing especially since AFAICT this story starts before Cooking Hot, but Axe is taken to Embassy afterwards (the mention of the witches who gave Ebsa a run for his money in past tense seems to imply that anyway).
matapampamuphoff on August 25th, 2018 12:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Continuity check?
This is six weeks after _Cooking Hot_ when the quarantine has been lifted. Ebsa's assistant cooks are--finally--about to be released.
James ResoldierJames Resoldier on August 26th, 2018 01:11 am (UTC)
Re: Continuity check?
Perhaps add this info to the first couple of pages, showing that Ebsa is taking time off after getting released from quarantine.

I made a comment one the document to show where I think it would fit.
James ResoldierJames Resoldier on August 26th, 2018 01:12 am (UTC)
Re: Continuity check?
Where were the assistants from? Perhaps he's getting something set up for after their release so they can visit their families.
(Anonymous) on August 26th, 2018 02:39 am (UTC)
RE: Re: Continuity check?
In that case Ebsa would already know all about the witch's Kitchen. He's gotta have been taking Paer somewhere on dates. This creates like he's never been there. Ebsa is a friendly type. I think he'd be friendly with at least some of the witches.
matapampamuphoff on August 26th, 2018 03:13 am (UTC)
Re: Continuity check?
Until the Project Dystopia people have been released from their semi-quarantine on Embassy, Ebsa's been cooking for them. His dates with Paer are therefore more likely to involve a movie, or nightclubbing than dining.
(Anonymous) on August 26th, 2018 02:43 am (UTC)
RE: Re: Continuity check?
There's no sense that he knows Embassy really well and Embassy knows Ebsa really well. Lots of people should say hi and tease him, or bemoan their dinners. Who's feeding them now?
(Anonymous) on August 26th, 2018 02:50 am (UTC)
RE: Re: Continuity check?
BTW. This is a fun story. I've just read it a couple of times now and want it to fit more smoothly into your canon. In Cooking Hot Ebsa tells Chef he will be there for few months, not weeks.
matapampamuphoff on August 26th, 2018 03:10 am (UTC)
Re: Continuity check?
From the time they were rescued to the middle of Ramadan, when _The Boy_ is taking place is four months. _Cooking Hot_ is roughly in the middle of that, and Ebsa has no idea how long the quarantine will last.

Which we now know was about another six weeks.
(Anonymous) on August 26th, 2018 02:59 am (UTC)
RE: Re: Continuity check?
Did Ebsa get any counseling for PTSD and arachnophobia after Helios and Dystopia?
matapampamuphoff on August 26th, 2018 12:56 am (UTC)
Re: Continuity check?
I updated it a bit.

"She is unbelievable. I can’t believe she can regrow eyes! Woofy's about ready to be discharged. Just a couple other people still being monitored. It's . . . such a relief." She started giggling. "You should have seen the looks on Dr. Itchy's and Dr. Vear's faces when they realized they were expecting twins."
(Anonymous) on August 25th, 2018 05:57 pm (UTC)
BoE letter
Ebsa's letter to the Board of Education reads as if it is to the school he is complaining about, not to the Board. In particular "You need to" should be "They need to". There are a number of other "you"s that should be "they"s also.
cnmckenney on August 27th, 2018 10:27 am (UTC)
Oner calendar
Have you posted the Oner calendar someplace? I have trouble keeping the time line straight because I don't know which month/holiday/season comes where in the year.
matapampamuphoff on August 27th, 2018 02:29 pm (UTC)
Re: Oner calendar




Calendar
Muharram – starts the first new moon after the Winter Solstice
Safar
Emre*

Jumada
Rajab
Yusef*

Nicholas*
Shaban
Qadah

Hija
Shawwal
Ramadan
Furkan*- From end of Ramadan to the first new moon after the Winter Solstice.
Only occurs every 3rd year or so when Ramadan ends before the Solstice. Basically a “Leap Month” to keep the months and seasons the same year-to-year, more-or-less.

*The New Prophets of the One


Edited at 2018-08-27 02:29 pm (UTC)
matapampamuphoff on August 27th, 2018 02:33 pm (UTC)
Re: Oner calendar
Yes, it's insane. I have three worlds starting their new years over as much as 30 days apart, with one of them varying from year to year. I have found it easiest to skip that month altogether when writing books with scenes in multiple worlds.
cnmckenney on August 27th, 2018 06:17 pm (UTC)
Re: Oner calendar
Thank you. I will keep track of this so I don't have to ask again.

I always thought most cultures used the day after the shortest day as the start of a new year. I went looking and was astounded to discover that there are as many different year starts as there are cultures. My ignorance showing...and at my age.

Strikes me that you have enough troubles keeping track of the differing year number schemes so that dealing with differing calendars as well seems a bit over the top.

SQUIRREL!

Do you ever attend Liberty Con or Dragon Con?
matapampamuphoff on August 27th, 2018 07:21 pm (UTC)
Re: Oner calendar
I've never made it to either. I might try Liberty Con . . .although I'd have to get on the waiting list for next year. Dragon Con sound just too large and, and, peopled for me to enjoy.
cnmckenney on August 27th, 2018 09:01 pm (UTC)
Re: Oner calendar
Yeah. Dragon Con is not for all tastes. If it were not local I might not go. It is also expensive. $1500 for hotel, $300-450 for food (+drinks), $100-200 and up for miscellaneous, somewhere between $5 and $5000 for "OMG!!! I never knew that existed. I must have it." This may be books, jewelry, clothing (both daughters shop for corsets here), spices, furniture, gaming pieces, props from your favorite movie or TV show, and then it gets esoteric and expensive. All this in the company of 70K of your closest friends. It is 5 days of wall-to-wall crazies. And you don't have to spend anything above room and board. The public areas provide endless entertainment in the form of the human condition and where imagination can take a person. It is a blast but a bit like trying to see NYC in 5 days. Think of a souk in the Middle East, mostly without the pickpockets. Something to consider going to at least once.

Liberty is much smaller, shorter, and cheaper. Definitely a literary convention for both indie and traditionally published authors and readers of same. Some gaming and some costuming but mostly reading and writing. Quiet and you get a chance to meet and talk until all hours. And generally the weather is acceptable. I would love to meet you there at some point.