Log in

No account? Create an account
30 December 2017 @ 10:29 am
_Cooking Hot_ part 6  

Chapter Four

"Umm, Xen?" Lon eyed the wizard, who was leaning back with both hands clutching his short hair. "Do you know what the Oners are up to?"

"No." Xen thumped forward in his chair, splayed his hands out on the table in front of him. "And furthermore I haven't a clue what the Witches might do to win. Or some joker . . . Lon . . . magic spells and potions? Just kill me now."

"Oh dear. The potential for a world-wide orgy . . ." Q giggled, then sobered. "All right, I can talk to the witches, but just one idiot with the Wine of the Gods could . . . "

"Trash diplomacy with years worth of repercussions." Xen chewed a fingernail.

Lon swallowed. "Given everything I've heard about it, I think generations of repercussions is what you mean. Right. I'll lay out some basic rules—no magic, no potions, ingredient list for those with dietary restrictions."

Jiol snorted. "Halal, Kosher, Budist, Vegetarian . . . "

"Gluten free, Low Carb, Paleo. Good grief." Karl Montiego shrugged. "So, how much organization do we need?"

"Lots." Lon looked around. "Jiol, you're the boss. Karl, Juliette, Cactus? You're her minions. Xen? Q? We may need drinking water in spots around the plaza and public toilets. Since you two probably know where the pipes are?"

The siblings both nodded.

Xen sighed. "I'll turn all the gates outward, so at least we won't have too much vehicular mayhem. In fact, Jiol? If you canvas the embassies to see how many people want to cook, you might ask if they want their gates moved to their embassy grounds."

"That could be a lot of work." Lon injected. "We've seen you pushing absolutely nothing across the ground with great effort."

Xen nodded. "Thus having the added advantage of keeping my mind off of potential disasters."

Lon nodded. World-wide orgy. Oh Dear God, are the Oners trying to destroy the very idea of cross-dimensional diplomacy?


(Anonymous) on December 30th, 2017 04:58 pm (UTC)
Beef steak with a Wine of the Gods reduction sauce?
cnmckenney on December 30th, 2017 05:12 pm (UTC)
Is this what you call the Law of Unintended Results? My ideas of the possible mayhem were kiddie pool maneuvers by comparison.
matapampamuphoff on December 30th, 2017 05:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
I really don't want to blow up Xen's greatest accomplishment, but I may have him ready for a vacation by the time the fair's over.
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on December 30th, 2017 08:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
Maybe he could improve the cuisine on the Moon?
(Anonymous) on December 30th, 2017 08:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
This is about the time that the Oner Princesses are trolling for Comet Fall magicians isn't it.
matapampamuphoff on December 30th, 2017 09:26 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
Just before . . . I hope!
(Anonymous) on December 30th, 2017 08:49 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
What is the betting that it will become a yearly event by popular demand (by everyone except Disco)?
Is there a chance that Lord Hell will drop by to sample, perhaps with his family (Trump face to face with Kael would be very interesting).
cnmckenney on December 30th, 2017 09:05 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
Only if they leave the dogs home.
matapampamuphoff on December 30th, 2017 09:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
matapampamuphoff on December 30th, 2017 09:27 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
Planning on both of those.
matapampamuphoff on December 30th, 2017 09:54 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
Hmm, now Kael and Answer meeting . . . magic duel on-the-spot or instant besties?
muirecan: Withersmuirecan on December 30th, 2017 10:19 pm (UTC)
RE: Re: Wow
Instant magical duel followed by the two of them sitting on the ground leaning on each other besties forever. With everyone who knows the two of them cowering in terror.
ekuah on December 30th, 2017 10:41 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
Both of them exchanging stories and learning of the childhood exploits of Rael and Xen.

That will lead to real cowering in terror.
(Anonymous) on December 30th, 2017 09:27 pm (UTC)
RE: Re: Wow
Surely someone can cast Detect Magic! Seems like a basic border guard function.

Why yes, getting ready to DM D&D, why do you ask?


P.S. Xen should get his dad to do it. Payback for making the spells in the first place!
matapampamuphoff on December 30th, 2017 09:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow
I'm not sure Xen is aware of how widespread the wine is on the Empire's blackmarket.

Not to mention that it's been introduced to Arbolia, Arrival, and several Earths.

Xen probably imagines that if the witches behave, and no one invites anyone from Rip Crossing, everything will be just fine.
ekuah on December 30th, 2017 09:53 pm (UTC)
This seems terribly unfair:
"I'll lay out some basic rules—no magic, no potions, ingredient list for those with dietary restrictions."
This is clearly in favor of Earth, since only the magic worlds use the ingredients above.
The list should also include poisons, drugs, psychoactive substances, nanotech...

Can't wait for the first intelligence reports of the planned dishes.
"Our intelligence team got a preliminary list of the planned dishes from Comet Fall, and a few left me curious." Cactus said when she joined the meeting.
"Which ones?" Xen looked up.
"Well once there is 'Goat Roast Scoonian style'. I wasn't aware that there were participants from that nation"
"I wasn't aware ether. Our relationship, or to more precise the relationship between the Kingdom of the West's and them is rather strained. Do you have the name of the participant?"
"Someone named Nil"
She immediately noticed the pale faces of Karl Montiego, Inso and Lon Hackathorn.
"He wouldn't do that, right? Please tell me that." Karl whispered quite shaken.
Xen gulped:"Normally I would say 'Never'. But we are talking here about Nil. We can't know if someone has crossed him. Better call your embassies and let them make a roll call. Just to be sure"
"What I am missing here? Who is this Nil?" Cactus asked now puzzled.
"Well Nil is our Archwizard and came originally from Scoone, 700 years ago. He was know as 'Nihility, the Tyrant King' back then.
"You have to know the society of the old Scoone was vicious and ruthless. You had to be constantly on guard and swift with your revenge to survive on the throne.
"The backstabbing on your old priesthood's court was a children's party in comparison to that"
"That still doesn't explain, why you were all so nervous about the dish"
"You know, when he was finally brought down from his throne, he turned all of his attackers into black goats, as his last act."
"And he still does that when someone crosses him." Inso added.
Cactus gulped "Well, I think I will better call my Embassy too."

Edited at 2017-12-30 09:56 pm (UTC)
matapampamuphoff on December 30th, 2017 09:57 pm (UTC)
Re: This seems terribly unfair:
ekuah on December 30th, 2017 10:02 pm (UTC)
Re: This seems terribly unfair:
It makes me happy to see you laugh.
Please see it as tiny compensation for all the times your stories made me laugh.
(Anonymous) on December 30th, 2017 10:54 pm (UTC)
Re: This seems terribly unfair:
No psychoactive substances? You mean THEY BANNED CHOCOLATE, and only for women, the men can have it (if they are feeling suicidal).
ekuah on December 30th, 2017 11:04 pm (UTC)
Re: This seems terribly unfair:
I thought more of the like of magic mushrooms and LSD.
(Anonymous) on December 30th, 2017 11:10 pm (UTC)
Re: This seems terribly unfair:
That's the problem with obviously sensible rules and the law of unintended consequences. Someone (bureaucrat) notices that it applies to chocolate and then the entire female population of Embassy is hunting Lon with tar and feathers (except Never, by this time she knows the goat spell). Might solve the problem of finding a goat quickly enough after the paperwork is filled out for Scoonian goat though.
ekuah on December 30th, 2017 11:25 pm (UTC)
Re: This seems terribly unfair:
She learned the goat spell a long time ago. She used it in the epilogue of 'Embassy'.

But you are right.
Forbidding chocolate will get them tarred and feathered.
Better make it, any psychoactive component must be listed clearly.

Edited at 2017-12-30 11:28 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous) on December 31st, 2017 12:52 am (UTC)
RE: Re: This seems terribly unfair:
Gotta allow alcohol. Perhaps the Auld Wolf can bring some of his wines. Harry can host a tavern.
(Anonymous) on December 30th, 2017 10:58 pm (UTC)
Re: This seems terribly unfair:
Goat roast Scoonian style? You mean half a ton of paperwork that takes so long to fill out that there is no time to even look for a goat to roast. Oh well, at least there will be plenty of fiber in the meal. Hopefully they are using soy based inks so that they are not poisonous.
ekuah on December 30th, 2017 11:06 pm (UTC)
Re: This seems terribly unfair:
Trust me, when Nil need a goat to roast he find someone to 'help' him out.
(Anonymous) on December 31st, 2017 12:47 am (UTC)
Add Isaacson. He's wondering why Ebsa is cooking. Concerned that his warriors, Ra'd and Ebsa, are treated with respect. Perhaps he wants Ebsa to wear appropriate headgear when he cooks? Lol. Isaacson and Xen, the Auld Wolf, in an exhibition match? Add martial artists from other cultures to show their schools. Handcrafts, songs and dancing. Art show featuring Ra'd paintings? Wow. Festival! Parades next year. Guided tours of empty or dinasaur worlds? The mind boggles. Poor Xen crying in the corner.

(Anonymous) on December 31st, 2017 10:50 pm (UTC)
Oh yes!! Just imagine the meltdown in the Ministry kitchen when Ebsa shows up wearing a green chef's hat. For that matter, imagine Isaacson's face when he sees it and is informed that, in a kitchen, the Chef outranks a Warrior so of course Ebsa is wearing a chef's hat. He just dyed it green to show respect for Isaacson's request.
matapampamuphoff on December 31st, 2017 11:07 pm (UTC)
OK, that does it. Ra'd is going to get him one and give it to him to wear in the cook-off.
muirecan: Withersmuirecan on January 1st, 2018 07:53 am (UTC)