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23 November 2017 @ 03:23 pm
_In the Rift_  
Which many of you will recognize as _The Fat Chick and the Beauty Queens_. I fell in love with a cover, so it's time to kick it out of the nest.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pMSMD_V09XY2XvqM87hZSpOvbnJXCaLY6gAn9UQin0I/edit?usp=sharing
 
 
 
muirecan: Withersmuirecan on November 24th, 2017 01:37 am (UTC)
Oh cool. I really liked when you posted it before but I was under the impression you were not going to release this one. Or may ih@ve it confused with a different story of yours.
matapampamuphoff on November 24th, 2017 02:30 am (UTC)
_Outlaws of the Solar System_ was a group writing effort, and since I can't locate all the writers, It's not going to be published.

This one and _Fancy Free_ are both in that "universe" a century or three later.
muirecanmuirecan on November 24th, 2017 05:48 am (UTC)
Ok, I thought I might be mixing two of them up. I've gone from being really sick to able to pay proper attention now. :)

By the way my word of advice for everyone is if you are sick and no it ... don't delay going to the doctor because you have an appointment in a month.
matapampamuphoff on November 24th, 2017 09:55 pm (UTC)
You can date this as pre-betareaders by the use of Loose for Lose.
And apparently my troubles with one word, two words, or hyphen is a long standing hole in my grasp of spelling/grammar/punctuation.
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on November 25th, 2017 08:44 pm (UTC)
The first version here has two 'disbursed', now there is only one and there should be none (dispersed).

No 'off of's though.
matapampamuphoff on November 25th, 2017 09:08 pm (UTC)
I correct thing in my master copy, and sometimes forget to correct them in the Google doc to avoid checking and finding I've already fixed the problem.

Speaking of which, What do you guys like best? Vid cam or vidcam. Or I suppose, vid-cam.
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on November 25th, 2017 10:30 pm (UTC)
I am inclined to vidcam
(Anonymous) on November 26th, 2017 01:19 pm (UTC)
Somewhere in the text I think you typed vidcamm
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on November 29th, 2017 05:46 pm (UTC)
one word, two words, or hyphen is a problem with English!

I have been reading two books by Dictionary folk (lexicographers) who try to keep score/ track.


The Word Detective: A Life in Words: From Serendipity to Selfie Paperback – 6 Jul 2017 by John Simpson

Word by Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries Hardcover – 14 Mar 2017 by Kory Stamper

(Recommended)

The second points out that idiom is "take a back seat" BUT "backseat driver"
(Anonymous) on November 26th, 2017 12:36 pm (UTC)
TYPOS ETC

"Descartes tells theN to keep their hands off. So far, they listen to him."

/// better descriptions and where Descartes is and why it takes him so long, and he doesn't get a
warning out. No comms, rickety slow elevator. Shift to next elevator, summon it . . . ///

Paris flinched aT bit at the memory of his own actions.

And if one of the other women THAT had won the Miss Alpha Centauri Crown, his next words would have been 'Why don't you introduce me to the winner'

She made her voice firm and unwavering with an effort to keep a wave
of anger out of it. (Sentence is a bit too wavey)

"…And then Ethereal was selected as one of the early arrivals, for the New Territories tour, so
we booked passage on the." Paris (Needs three dots at end )

At one time she was as good
as they got, but as the planetary systems filled in she moved further and further out to where her
long range made her profitable, but frankly, she was old and while her engines and jump rings
were kept up to date the passenger facilities were cramped. (Clumsy and too many buts)

Paris had joined the asteroid hunt on the spur of the moment, a feeling perhaps, that an adult
should go along . . . The smaller of the two freighters they'd captured along (grammar and too many alongs)

Adding trial and error to distant lessons in remote sensors, Paris was able to frame the nearest
of those artificial returns as Carl shifted the freighter cautiously closer. Paris centered the screen
on the oval and zoomed in. A ship.
"Freighter." (A bit confusing - especially use of word freighter in para before they realise it is a freighter)


Descartes saw him several times a day, utterly silent and looming. Hell,
Descartes saw him killED.

"Gun" he breathed, extending a hand.
She offered him both the laser rifle she'd picked up and her little laser. He took the later, and
shot down the stairs like a sprinter out of the blocks. (Comma after gun plus latter not later)

"Since I'm CI, supposed to be undercover and haven't a uniform to my name closer than Earth,
call me Perris. E not A, two ares." Ares?

This ship was no exception, wallowing into the air and
floating upward at what Paris judged was barely one and a half A gees.

jammed his hands into his pockets, frowned and pulled out round stone. Should be A round stone

The crowded cheered as Ethereal finished her speech

"Staring in adventure vids will be a lot more interesting than the Miss Outer Space tour,



Jane