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02 January 2017 @ 10:53 am
In Between Stories  
So . . . I've got Eldon, Rior, and the rest of that gang escaping at the end of the Lodge story. I think I snippetted _Home Sweet Home_ about all the trouble they got into, winding up with a mining claim as cover for a hide out on the far side of the Rip.

Then Heso and Eldon get bored and start missing football . . . that ends with Eldon's college gangs getting kidnapped by the Helaos . . . which is why he's handy with the dimension bomb that settles the problem with Helios quite thoroughly.

So, I'm going to cut pretty much the whole of that rather risque start, and just jump from escape to deciding to head for the New Lands and build a hideout, then Eldon and Hesso get bored, etc.

Any objections? Suggestions?

And then there's the post _Last Merge_ story of the hunt for every last kidnapped Oner on New Helios.

Do I need to tell it or just mention it in _Black Point Clan_?
(Anonymous) on January 2nd, 2017 07:24 pm (UTC)
The whole cannibal world story line is (at least as I understand it) supposed to be a one off situation. I'm not sure you should just pass it off as an aside, but possibly not detail recovering every body. Enough of a story to establish who is involved, some flavor for their search, maybe a complete description of what you decide is the critical group (either the last one, or the one most dangerous where you can isolate others - maybe force them into a location where the merge isn't going to happen, so the time crunch is lessened.)

Then, you can throw out hints from other stories, and there's a scaffold to hang them on.

But, I would suggest including all the technical details you've come up with about how the isolated cannibal world started - not the first merge, but how they got isolated in the small universe. That ends up becoming the true search detail while recovering the missing people is the macguffin.

ekuah on January 2nd, 2017 11:26 pm (UTC)
Sadly I can't find Home Sweet Home, so I can't tell you what to keep and what to sweep.
But according to a former post of yours, Jade will be pissed at Eldon some later time.
Somehow I think that leaving her for football is not enough to enrage her.

My best suggestion is, that he has to survive the defeat of the Helaos more or less unscathed, coming back to the gang and having a big head butting with Jade/Rior. Rescuing some of the youngsters from the criminal career path (by separating them from Jade) should do the trick (infuriating Jade)

Also I think the post _Last Merge_ story could be a great opportunity.
It is between "Lodge in the Mountains" and "Blackpoint Clan, right?
You could at least tell the story of how Ajha experiences the changes his potion popping has started, and how he comes clean with the fact, that he is no pure Oner anymore.
matapampamuphoff on January 3rd, 2017 01:26 am (UTC)
Hmm. Maybe I should resnippet Home Sweet Home. Or I might have renamed it since. Or I might have put the whole thing in an early version of _The Last Merge_.

As for Ajha, he's always been a very strong magician. The addition of the Comet Fall Mage gene will increase the frequencies that he can pull power from, but that's not very noticeable. The other potions he tested were mostly cosmetic.
ekuah on January 3rd, 2017 11:18 am (UTC)
"As for Ajha, he's always been a very strong magician. The addition of the Comet Fall Mage gene will increase the frequencies that he can pull power from, but that's not very noticeable. The other potions he tested were mostly cosmetic."

You could even make story out of that.
He feels like he could do new stuff now, but thinks that he has trouble with other stuff. He blames this on the fact that he is tainted now. But in the end all of it turns out to be just a placebo effect.
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on January 3rd, 2017 09:14 pm (UTC)
You snippeted _Home Sweet Home_ back in Jan 2015 (and deleted it later).

I think your plan looks good unless you want or feel you need more character development on Ajha or on (say) the Fiend where the Helaos hunt or the post-Lodge quarantine might be a good place. But I foresee little need for the story unless it helps the overall arc or sets up _Black Point Clan_ better.
matapampamuphoff on January 4th, 2017 12:06 am (UTC)
I think I'll cut it to bits and only use the parts that are useful in showing how Eldon got mixed up in the Cannibal wars.

That'll get me Eldon's part of the final battle.

_Rescue Mission_ covers Ajha, Ebsa and Ra'd's part.

Then there's just the main battle with Disco and the Oner Army vs the Helaos Army (with the focus on Xen) to write.

And the wrap up and so forth. The main problem will be keeping the number of POVs down to a reasonable level.

mbarkermbarker on January 4th, 2017 04:35 am (UTC)
A sneaky way to drop some info in would be to include a memo/report/letter at some point? I'm sure you know the kind of thing, where there is perhaps a military report or something kind of included as the start of a chapter, or a prelude, and then the story runs on... and of course, the info in the report (the epistle) just happens to be what we need to really understand what is going on. I mean, the various teams, Xen, and almost everyone seems to be writing reports or memos -- just include part of one. We could be writing it, reading it, or it could just dropped in...