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23 June 2017 @ 12:26 pm
_Time Loop_  

I'm pulling in a few fresh eyes who haven't seen it in the making, but don't feel excluded or anything.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EBlJjtRL8JVxOZEzS7dmdVFPSoey-rMMEVmSeLSmuPw/edit#

And the cover for those who don't facebook.

 
 
 
(Anonymous) on June 23rd, 2017 05:47 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed Time Loop and generally like the cover, but I just have to wonder if that's the donut of Sauron.
Zan Lynxzlynx on June 23rd, 2017 06:24 pm (UTC)
A funny mental image although it doesn't look like an evil donut to me.
matapampamuphoff on June 23rd, 2017 08:01 pm (UTC)
Hehehe!

Covers are advertisements. They just need to catch the eye and convey something about the book. This one says--I hope!--SF with space shuttles and time travel.
(Anonymous) on June 23rd, 2017 08:14 pm (UTC)
After binging through the google doc, now I can comment on the image.

I think you have too much Space Shuttle in your "spaceplane". I would try to alter the aft end so the rocket nozzle bells are not showing. You don't really define what propulsion the spaceplane uses, but it's definitely not a chemical rocket, so the nozzles are out of place. Maybe some weird asymmetric antennas or part of the mechanism sticking out? Or maybe just a smooth fairing that doesn't look like a rocket. Or maybe you should just add some mention of a non-functional engine that "looks" good for camouflage purposes.

For artistic value, I might try to ghost in a mother-daughter image somewhere, either in the middle of the ring, or overlapping part of the black of the spaceplane bottom.

Doc: you still had a placeholder in one spot for a number you needed to look up or define.

Story: I like it, but I think it deserves to stand alone, without more sequels. As if you could manage to confuse causality more anyway.

Darqref
matapampamuphoff on June 23rd, 2017 09:22 pm (UTC)
Yeah. I could make them into "the Time Cops" making sure that no one messes things up, and or a covert space force (associated with the government?) to stop (or jump back in time and prevent altogether) crimes, acts of war, or disasters.

But I am busy enough already that I think I can let it go.
Nancy naleta on June 25th, 2017 12:19 am (UTC)
I zoomed through the story this afternoon. Spotted a few typos, but I think it stands on its own just fine.
(Anonymous) on June 27th, 2017 07:24 am (UTC)
Mike Marlowe changed his name to Dave Marlowe, I highlighted the first instance. I think he was Dave longer than he was Mike, and there was another Mike mentioned, so Marlowe might want to stay Dave.
Dr. Sturm seems much less sociopathic then the last version I saw. I like that.
Holly
matapampamuphoff on June 27th, 2017 12:48 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I caught that. I decided that two young men named Mike and Mark was just asking for trouble. Missed one "Mike."
(Anonymous) on June 27th, 2017 04:53 pm (UTC)
If you need another scene or two, a little more connection between Dr. Sturm and the trio of soldiers would be great. There wasn't as much shown emotional connection between him and them as the others, or at least I didn't feel like there was.
Holly