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28 February 2017 @ 01:44 pm
_No Confidence_ google doc  

Very rough. Read if for coherence especially, not that there won't be lots and lots of typos.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MvCv2Labd_L9Xdr_HVeM-u99Y6fsKS7SqbNicvpU6Kw/edit?usp=sharing

 
 
 
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on February 28th, 2017 09:00 pm (UTC)
Would you like to reissue the markup method from 2013 or does a thoroughly mixed up scheme in fact cost you little time ?

Key to edits
Yellow
Something is likely and obviously wrong in terms of missing or incorrect word, punctuation, spelling, or capitalization

Green
General comment
%%comment%%
Some comment, usually directed at the preceding text or following paragraph(s) Always colored.

%%<<alternate<<%% Alternate wording suggested for the previous word or words. Always colored. %%^^insert^^%% Inserting this wording suggested
matapampamuphoff on February 28th, 2017 09:10 pm (UTC)
You know, I started with the in-document markups so I could export it and then edit it. But the formats get totally weird, so I just look at the Google doc and change my Word document. So if it's easier to just use the comments function that's fine.
Merrian Oliver-Weymouth on March 1st, 2017 06:46 am (UTC)
Page 47 the first line of makkah hive mind :: text :: is ahead of Rael getting on the train. Sorry not to track edit for precision but am on my phone
matapampamuphoff on March 1st, 2017 01:52 pm (UTC)
Thanks. That half a sentence migrated . . . not a clue how, it's Okay on my master copy.
ekuah on March 1st, 2017 04:10 pm (UTC)
Fun fact to notice
"One of those bags of the, well, not prophets, but . . .
He took it, them, it was actually two bars, pulled them apart . . . a plastic bag with a bloody scoop in it."

For Orde the bag of the 'not prophets' is a rare and valuable item.

Compared to Xen (who comes from a pre-industrial medieval magic world), the plastic bag is the rare item which had to be imported.
And the dimensional bubble with two cheap handles is pretty much the throw away item.

Just wanted to mention it.

;-)
(Anonymous) on March 1st, 2017 05:06 pm (UTC)
Re: Fun fact to notice
I thought about having Orde wondering if he ought to accept such a valuable item. Especially during an election. With couple dozen cameras on him. I think perhaps he'd better take the baggie and hand the bag back to Xen.
ekuah on March 1st, 2017 05:33 pm (UTC)
Re: Fun fact to notice
To much opportunity to tamper with the evidence.
You could let him promise to give it back as soon the analysis done.


Too late, already changed...



Edited at 2017-03-01 05:59 pm (UTC)
matapampamuphoff on March 1st, 2017 06:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Fun fact to notice
I could have Orde hand it to Ajki. "Analyze it. Do make sure this very valuable object is returned to Disco."

I keep forgetting that Director Ajki is there, and as shown in _Black Point Clan_ has future plans of his own that don't include Agni as president, but that isn't yet known, so it may sound a bit too trusting.
ekuah on March 1st, 2017 07:29 pm (UTC)
Re: Fun fact to notice
No, no. It is good as it is now.
"He took it, them, it was actually two bars, pulled them apart . . . a plastic bag with a bloody scoop in it. A floating vid cam . . . he made sure it got a good shot as he removed the plastic bag and handed the very valuable multidimensional phenomenon back to Xen."

I feel somehow honored that you considered to include a snipped of mine.
matapampamuphoff on March 2nd, 2017 02:43 am (UTC)
Re: Fun fact to notice
It was a good point.

As were several suggestions on the Google doc.

However much I love the copyediting, it's the larger picture where I really value all you guys' input.
(Anonymous) on March 3rd, 2017 01:13 am (UTC)
Conflict with other transformations?
I'm remembering a fragment where a couple of the War party end up trying to tackle Nil, and suffer chains and transformations. I *think* they were supposed to be some of the same ones subjected to the purple rabbits. If I'm remembering correctly, it was part of the extended followup to the attempted kidnapping?

What I don't remember is where they fit in the timeline - but I would guess that one would prevent the other? As in, if they get rabitted, then they wouldn't allow themselves to be in the position to be chained, or at least would think themselves prepared for it?

And then again, maybe I'm mis-remembering which people were involved. Damn 4 letter names.


Darqref
matapampamuphoff on March 3rd, 2017 01:54 am (UTC)
Re: Conflict with other transformations?
That is in _Black Point Clan_ which needs a ton of up dating by now. It takes place after _The Last Merge_ which is next in line to be finished, and will probably be published in the fall.

Efge who was promoted to Director of Internal Relations in _No Confidence_ and his guard escort get turned into goats. Izzo and Xiat keep Ajki from joining the mess. Herd. Whatever.
ekuah on March 3rd, 2017 09:18 pm (UTC)
Re: Conflict with other transformations?
Efge not only turned into a goat, but also turned into Feeg.
I still hope you make the secondary change somehow permanent.
Maybe some ill advised tinkering trying to hurry up the change will make him/her immune to the Female to Male potion.

Btw.
It has to be much later than 'The last merge'
Because Eldon got hurt in end.
Had his Mall Santa gig.
Became a Movie star.
And had established quite an estate when Fean asked him about the reversal potions.
matapampamuphoff on March 3rd, 2017 09:55 pm (UTC)
Re: Conflict with other transformations?
Figure at least a year in between _The Last Merge_ and Black Point Clan_. Ajha and company will be running around New Helios rescuing damsels in distress and bring them back home. Also some soldiers who "reverted" back to the Oner part when Q's generic "This one wins the merge" spell finally got done working.

At some point I'll work up a final timetable for Izzo to take over XD and some years later run for President.
Michawl DolbearMichawl Dolbear on March 4th, 2017 04:26 pm (UTC)
I suggest Princess Fuyl's name should be added to No Confidence (just Ajki's Princess at present)
matapampamuphoff on March 5th, 2017 04:08 am (UTC)
Another character I never quite got around to doing justice. Hmm . . .